Menace the hedge.
Or hedge the menace. If you grok those sentences, I've got a contest for you! "Menacing Hedge is now accepting short stories, poems, and art for our quarterly online magazine." Bonus if your offering is one or more of the following: "...horror, slipstream, magical realism, and science fiction, with styles that lean toward humorous, absurdism, experimental, literary, bizarro, quirky and surreal." No shock porn. (Probably no conventional porn either.) Familiarize yourself with their previous publications, then write something a bit... beyond. Check specs for trimming, then submit hedge-wise.