At Least I'm Not Shipwrecked

Day 1: I'm stranded on the ship. Didn't know the ownership was bankrupt. I was put in charge as the ship's legal resident just until the paperwork is sorted out. Until then, I am to stay onboard. The captain and the rest of the crew have disembarked. I don't know why the government just can't make an exception and let me come ashore; but should only take a couple days at most! But this will be an opportunity to spend some time by myself and have a mini-vacation. I will chronicle this mini-adventure in my journal.


Day 2: I've already discovered there's not a lot to write about. Kind of a boring mini-vacation with no people around, but I have plenty of food. No power, though, so the frozen food is melting. Also, the toilets don't flush. And no running water for washing up. But I'm keeping in contact with the captain with my cell phone, and word is this should only be another day.


Day 3: More bureaucratic delays. But the captain says the bank officials are working something out. Shouldn't be much longer now. Maybe another day or so. Unbelievable.


Day 4: Another day of red tape. Getting beyond ridiculous. Why can't they just let me ashore and get all the legal stuff worked out without the stranding requirement? Not getting an answer on this. Pretty sunrise this morning, though. I'm trying to enjoy the little things. Four days feels like four weeks!


Day 5: No word from anyone today. It's a Sunday. So bored. Spending most of my time reading in the rec room. The ship is haunted, I think. Or maybe I'm seeing things. Floating orbs at night. I want to go home.


Day 6: Ship is definitely haunted. Unless I'm hallucinating from boredom. I saw a ball of light roll across the deck.


Day 7: The kitchen stinks, and the freezers are leaking. Trying to decide whether to throw some of the rotting food overboard. And I think I saw some rats running across the deck last night. How did they get here?!


Day 8: The smell from the kitchen was permeating the entire ship, so I threw everything rotten overboard. Then took my first "shower" with bottled water. I needed it. It's been hot as hell. No power means no air conditioning.


Day 9: Still no answer from the bank or the captain. I called the embassy and left a message. My phone needs to be charged; it's down to one bar. I'm thinking of suing everybody. I don't care if it costs me my job.


Day 10: Woke up feeling optimistic. It's been 10 days... isn't 10 a lucky number? Surely by now my friends have started a GoFundMe to get me out of this haunted hellhole. There's a stink throughout the entire ship, not just the kitchen and latrines. I don't know where it's coming from. But the publicity from this bureaucratic bungle will surely get me out of here soon; this is global headlines-worthy! Another day and I will be given the VIP ride off this ship and receive a fat cash settlement!


Day 11: Got a call from the embassy; they were very polite. One more day; I can feel it!


Day 12: My cell phone has no power, just like this ship. No other news to report.


Day 13: I had a nightmare that I was stranded on an abandoned ship. Oh wait -- ha ha!


Day 14: Woke up to the sound of a helicopter flying overhead, and I was so ecstatic at my imminent rescue, I was crying tears of joy! But it just flew over and dropped a care package of batteries, a basket of fresh fruit, and a note from the shipping company offering their sympathies. I ate half the of the fruit, then wept.


Day 15: They can't keep me here. What would they do if I were to swim ashore? Arrest me? I don't care. At least I'd be on land, be away from this stinking, rat-infested hellhole, and have something to eat besides canned veggies. I ate the other half of the fruit this morning. Update: I called the embassy, and they told me if I tried to swim ashore, I would be shot in the water. The harbor has armed guards 24-7. Something about international pirate law. I screamed at them that I'm not a pirate, and they hung up.


Day 16: The toilets are to the point of overflowing, and I had to seal off the latrines anyway. Too many flies. So I'm just hanging my ass-end over the railing when duty calls. Took another bottled water "shower" today, but I don't want to use up my drinking water. The embassy hasn't yet had sense enough to make a bottled water gift basket, despite my repeated requests.


Day 17: Where is the damn press?? Is the shipping company suppressing this story?? They're too stupid to realize that the longer they suppress this, the more they'll ultimately have to pay me. Because I have friends. People on land know me. And if this somehow isn't in the news, they're wondering where I am. Unless the company came up with a cover story...


Day 18: Today a passenger boat came closer enough so that I could almost see the figures on the deck. I waved, but I don't think any of them saw me. Lifted my spirits nonetheless.


Day 19: Searched the entire ship for a flare gun or something to explode. Didn't find anything.


Day 20: Found a book in the rec room I hadn't read yet. It was behind the TV. Read the book. Was about a rabid dog.


Day 21: Why is it so damn hot all the time? Can't even sleep. Must be summer.


Day 22: Found the cache of the captain's rum in the hold! Stranded sailor, party of one, drinks on me! And soon to be in me...


Day 25 (maybe?): got blackout drunk few days ago. still on bender who can blame me? Drinks me only friend


Day 32 (but who's counting?): Woke to the bang of fireworks. Was confused because my phone said it was evening. Maybe I'm sleeping during the day and staying up at night. I don't remember.


Day 1000 (I don't know): Thinking about starting this journal again, in case I'm rescued. So they can see my suffering. It hasn't exactly been adventure on the high seas. I think I was a sailor once, they should know that. Now I hear more of that blasted yelling... must be another one of those party ships. I've locked myself in my bunker to escape the racket. Now the boom of the thunder is deafening! Sounds like it's right outside my door...


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Inspired by true stories.

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